Don't Grow Up It's a TRAP!

In recent weeks I've realised that I have spent most of my formative years wishing for the future, saying 'when I'm older', 'one day' or 'tomorrow'. Now? It's when I'm older, that one day has been and gone - tomorrow is now yesterday. 

As a child so many things held so much weight, promise and freedom. Now? At 23 I'm already waiting for the day that I get to hit the re-set button and hand back over every aspect of responsibility and run off to Neverland and join Peter Pan. I used to spend my days wishing on stars for longer bed times, the authority to have a second scoop of ice cream and the secret code to the hole in the wall where my mother would get money.  Looking back on what held so much magic, now seems like nothing more than the every day struggle of learning how to be an adult. 

1. Staying up late : As a child staying up late was something I'd scream the house down about. Ten more minutes mom? One more story? The idea of being an age where I controlled bed time seemed like a life I'd never have the luxury of living. Now? At 23 if I'm still awake at 10pm most nights I'm shocked, horrified and probably drunk. I wish I could go to bed at 7:30 with a bed time story and a night light, life would be so much easier. 

2. Post : I still remember to this day the first proper piece of mail I got as a child, it was from the Ulster Bank where my mom had set me up one of those children's savings accounts with those freakishly over friendly looking hippos. Back then post was the most exciting thing in the entire world - now? As an adult post means one of two things. Number one - I stupidly let myself go on ASOS after a few glasses of wine and now I'm going to be broke till the end of the month or it's a bill that I can't afford because of that ASOS order - OR actually even worse. A doctors/dentist/eye test appointment. Leave me, my body and my bank account alone post man. 

3. Shots : This is less of a 'when I was a child' and more of a 'when I was 17' but when exactly, like what exact date did I get boring? A few weeks ago I was standing in Starbucks at 7:00am waiting for my order to be made and I got handed my normal drink and my single shot of espresso. I took the shot and downed it like any normal coffee addict and had a moment of dejavu back to the good old days when the only things I took in shot form was tequila. When did it go from Tequila shots and getting home at 7am to drinking espresso shots and being in work at 7am?

5. Your age : I think we all wished we could be older at one stage or another. For some it wasn't a big deal but for others it was a constant thought playing on their mind. I think mine was worse because I had an older sister and I always wanted to get away with the things she did. Now? I'm already starting to try and shave off a year or two on my birth date. A wise woman once told me that the earlier you start lying about your age the more believable it is. So yes I am 21 and no in February for my birthday I will not be turning 22, I'll be turning 21 - again, for the fourth time. 

6. Playing dress up : My mothers closet was always a treasure trove of mischief and madness. High heels, bras' and padded shoulder jackets? I was in heaven, that's before I even started looking at the makeup. I remember begging my mom to let me wear lipgloss for years and years, the irony now is that I lie in bed every morning and pray to Jesus, God, Harry Styles and Buddah for a way for me to get to work WITHOUT having to put on any make up or deal with things like tights and bras. 

7. Night life : I remember that I used to lie in bed and think 'what will adult me be doing at this time in ten years' - at the time 13 year old me was picturing wild parties, keg stands, one night stands and singing Britney Spears with my best girlfriends as we walked through Dublin city after a night out. The reality of it though? A good night for me is Netflix, a face mask and being able to go to sleep at night without having to set an alarm for the next morning. 

8. Dating : To this day I can recall just how evil I thought my mother was for telling me to concentrate on school work and leave dating till I was older. I could never understand how she didn't get just how in love with _____________ ______________ I was at the time and how all I wanted to be able to say was that I was officially allowed date. You'd lie about if boys were going to be at discos, lie when you got asked if you were 'just friends' - and all that time I kept telling myself that it was okay one day you'll be free to date everyone you want. Now? At 23? I wish my mother would ban me from dating, ban me from men all together - buy me a chastity belt for all I care. It'd make my life easier, less dramatic and less embarrassing. 

9.  Money : I think money is one of the things that I wish I still didn't understand. When you were a kid it was easy, money was just there. Some how there was food in the fridge, money for holidays, presents under the tree at Christmas - it always seemed so easy. I remember thinking 'I can't wait till I'm an adult and I have - the money' as if it was a token you got once you turned 18 to get an unlimited supply of dollar bills. Now? I realise you have to actually work for money, do things like save and actually try and make conscious decisions about weather or not you really need that new lingerie set that is on sale. 

10. Control : When I was younger my mom would for example tell me I couldn't have something and I remember I'd stomp up to my room and think 'My gosh I can't wait for the day that I get to make my decisions and tell everyone else no' - I'd pray that the day would come quicker where I'd have to stop asking permission. When I'd get to not have to hear 'because I said so'. Now? I get to make my own choices every single day and I hate it. I wish someone would tell me what to do and give me too much of an opinion about every aspect of my life. Then I'd at least be able to escape a bit of the blame when I fuck up again. 

Email : studiotwentyseveninfo@gmail.com